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 Independent writing #181: Why are movies popular?

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nguyenducphuong



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Join date : 13/08/2009

Bài gửiTiêu đề: Independent writing #181: Why are movies popular?   Sun Sep 27, 2009 8:37 pm

Movies are popular all over the world. Explain why movies are so popular. Use specific reasons and specific examples to support your answer.
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Movies are popular all over the world. That's a truth. Nowadays, movies become an essential part of our modern life. In my opinion, the attraction of movies as one of the most interesting entertaiments as well as a lot of benefit gained from movies have made them popular as today.

The first reason that movies become popular is they help people to relax. There are many kinds of movies that appropriate for almost people with different kinds of interest. A lot of type of movies, such as funny movies, action movies etc could satisfy many people. By watching interesting movies, people could reduce stress after a hard-working day and recover their energy.

The second reason is movies fascinate many people as an interesting entertaiment. The attraction of movies come from their contents. Each movie is a story, and it attracts audiences by various events through that story, such as an action movie is interesting because of thorny events, a romantic movie is fascinating because of moving stories.

Furthermore, earning a lot by making movies is also one of reason that make movies popular as today. The better the movies are, the more people watch them. They become more popular and the movies maker can gain a lot by purchasing tickets. That motivation has forced people to produce movies that attract many people. As a result, people watch movies and they become popular.

In conclusion, I believe that movies are accepted all around the world because of not only their functionality to help people to relax, but also their large profit.
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Please leave any comments on this writing!
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matchia



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Join date : 27/08/2009

Bài gửiTiêu đề: Re: Independent writing #181: Why are movies popular?   Mon Sep 28, 2009 9:09 am

Your essay is quite good, but it has still some problems. The essay is organized clearly, but the introduction and conclusion is short. You should write a good introduction, because it attracts reader eyes. For this purpose, you should write some hook sentences, which lead the reader to your essay on the indirect way. For instance, in your essay, you can introduce a famous film which you know. And conclusion paragraph is very short. A paragraph has at least three sentences. In conclusion paragraph, you not only summarize your essay, but also open new direct for your essay.
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thuhientran88



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Bài gửiTiêu đề: Re: Independent writing #181: Why are movies popular?   Tue Sep 29, 2009 12:07 am

nguyenducphuong đã viết:
Movies are popular all over the world. Explain why movies are so popular. Use specific reasons and specific examples to support your answer.
-----------------------------------------------------------------------------------------------------------------------------

Movies are popular all over the world. That's a truth. Nowadays, movies become an essential part of our modern life. In my opinion, the attraction of movies as one of the most interesting entertaiments as well as a lot of benefit gained from movies have made them popular as today.

The first reason that movies become popular is they help people to relax. There are many kinds of movies that appropriate for almost people with different kinds of interest. A lot of type of movies, such as funny movies, action movies etc could satisfy many people. By watching interesting movies, people could reduce stress after a hard-working day and recover their energy.

The second reason is movies fascinate many people as an interesting entertainment. The attraction of movies come from their contents. Each movie is a story, and it attracts audiences by various events through that story, such as an action movie is interesting because of thorny events, a romantic movie is fascinating because of moving stories.

Furthermore, earning a lot by making movies is also one of reason that make movies popular as today. The better the movies are, the more people watch them. They become more popular and the movies maker can gain a lot by purchasing tickets. That motivation has forced people to produce movies that attract many people. As a result, people watch movies and they become popular.

In conclusion, I believe that movies are accepted all around the world because of not only their functionality to help people to relax, but also their large profit.
-------------------------------------------------------------------------------------------------------------------------------

Please leave any comments on this writing!
I also have some comments :-D- 1st: I think before composing the completed essay you should carry out an outline so that it is easier for us to follow your ideas.- 2nd: About the main points - I think it is quite clear- 3rd: the lang. usage: I can see some basic problem     + You should avoid repeating one word so many times ( in this essay: movie) by using synonyms (movie = film. this tool of entertainment etc.). Try to avoid utilizing synonyms or paraphrasing.     + Try to use the formal words. Ex: a lot of types of movies --> various types of movies/ numerous types of films...    + there are some mistakes in structures:              - The first reason that movies become popular is they help people to relax --> the first reason for the population of movie is that/ the first reason  makes movie become popular is that. --> In my opinion, you can make it more formal by making use of some adverbs: Initially, firstly, first of all.... --> Initially, it's relaxation for audience that makes movie popular.             - Movies are popular all over the world. That's a truth. Nowadays, movies become an essential part of our modern life. --> I think this is more formal: it's the truth that movies are becoming more and more celebrated/popular all around the world..........
            - with different kinds of interest --> different interests/ diverse interests/ hobbies....
            - attracts audiences by various events --> attract sb/st (to sth): attract audiences to various events            - One of reason --> one of the reasons            - can gain a lot by purchasing tickets --> can gain a lot from purchasing tickets       :-D just my personal ideas. I think that we should try to write in more formal language. Your essay could be quite ok in speaking but in writing we need modify it to become more academic. :-D. A tired day, may be I can give out some more comment at the later time. :-D
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nguyenducphuong



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Bài gửiTiêu đề: Re: Independent writing #181: Why are movies popular?   Tue Sep 29, 2009 8:57 am

Thanks for your comment.
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