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 Independent topic 2

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matchia



Tổng số bài gửi : 11
Join date : 27/08/2009

Bài gửiTiêu đề: Independent topic 2   Tue Sep 29, 2009 5:20 am

Essay Topic:

Do you agree or disagree with the following statement?
The best things in life do not cost money.
Use specific reasons and examples to support your opinion.



Paragraph 1: Enjoy landscape doesn’t cost money
- Walking on the beach and enjoy the sunrise or sunset

Paragraph 2: Spending time with our friends and family
- Playing and spending time together gives us a pleasant time.
- Have wonderful memories.
Paragraph 3: Money can’t buy love.
- Money can buy luxurious things, but many rich lovers do not have happy ending.
- true love only come when people really love others.

My essay:


Nowadays, many people spend a lot of time to earn money. To them, money is the goal of their lives. It is reasonable because many of our favorite things require us to spend money. But there are many things which can not be bought by money. Surprising, they are the best things in our lives: enjoying natural, the wonderful memories with friends and family, and happiness.

First of all, there are many beautiful sceneries that we can enjoy without money. Walking on beach, and watching the sunrise are the most favorite things for me to relax. Climbing in a top mountain, and then enjoying the fresh air, seeing impressive scene are the wonderful things we can do without money. Listening to the beautiful songs of natural can make us feel very pleasant. There are nice memories which result after we enjoy the beauty of natural.

Secondly, spending time with our friends and family is one of the best things we can do without money. Happiness is sometime a simply thing when we sit with our family or friends, talk some funny and laugh together. The best things are the things that we share with others. Walking in the rain, seeing a movie, playing together is really fun in our lives that we can not do if we are alone.

Thirdly, Money can make our lives better, but we can not use only money to achieve true happiness. Love is a good example to insulate it. Money can help us more attractive with a beautiful clothes or a luxurious car but a true love does not come from it. In fact, Love is undescribable, no one can force another to love them. It is a reason why some people who marry only for money rarely have a happy ending.

In conclusion, money is necessary in our lives, but we can not use it to buy the best things in our lives. Life itself is the best thing that the God has given to us. If we learn the truly value of our lives, we can have happiness lives.
[i][u]
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thuhientran88



Tổng số bài gửi : 23
Join date : 27/09/2009

Bài gửiTiêu đề: Re: Independent topic 2   Wed Sep 30, 2009 10:57 pm

My comment :-D
1. About your outline: you should put the introduction para into the outline.
I feel to be impressed with the arrangement of your ideas Very Happy
2. There are some grammar errors.


Nowadays, many people spend a lot of time to earn money --> spend time on doing sth. To them, money is the goal of their lives. It is reasonable because many of our favorite things require us to spend money ( not only favourite thing but also the essential things that need for our existence) . But --> however (more formal)there are many things which can not be bought by money. Surprising,--> surprisingly they are the best things in our lives: enjoying natural, the wonderful memories with friends and family, and happiness.

First of all, there are many beautiful sceneries that we can enjoy without money. Walking on beach, and watching the sunrise are the most favorite things for me to relax. Climbing in a top mountain, and then enjoying the fresh air, seeing impressive scene are the wonderful things we can do without money. Listening to the beautiful songs of natural can make us feel very pleasant. There are nice memories which result --> maintain/sustain after we enjoy the beauty of natural.

Secondly, spending time with our friends and family is one of the best things we can do without money. Happiness is sometime a simply thing when we sit with -->have time together with our family or friends, talk some funny and laugh together. The best things are the things that we share with others. Walking in the rain, seeing a movie, playing together is --> are really fun in our lives that we can not do if we are alone.

Thirdly, Money can make our lives better, but we can not use only money to achieve true happiness. Love is a good example to insulate it. Money can help us more attractive with a beautiful clothes or a luxurious car but a true love does not come from it. In fact, Love is undescribable --> indescribable , no one can force another to love them. It is a reason why some people who marry only for money rarely have a happy ending.

In conclusion, money is necessary in our lives, but we can not use it to buy the best things. Life itself is the best thing that the God has given to us. If we learn the truly value of our lives, we can have happiness lives. --> so many "life"
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matchia



Tổng số bài gửi : 11
Join date : 27/08/2009

Bài gửiTiêu đề: Re: Independent topic 2   Thu Oct 01, 2009 8:43 am

Thank you for your comment.
I really appriciate your help. I will try better ^_^
Thank you again!
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thuhientran88



Tổng số bài gửi : 23
Join date : 27/09/2009

Bài gửiTiêu đề: Re: Independent topic 2   Thu Oct 01, 2009 5:40 pm

You are welcome. Just a good way to practice skills for my future jobs Very Happy
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